Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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