Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
