I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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