Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
