return my video game
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
