When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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