she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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