Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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