You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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