I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
