peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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