hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
