It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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