What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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