Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
