I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
there is glitter all over my balls
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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