Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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