I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
