She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
