come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
