...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
