Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
