Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
