god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
