Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
