I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
