Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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