; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
