I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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