you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
