she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
