i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
