Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
