I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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