I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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