Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
