Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
