Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
a search helicopter?!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
