I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
