he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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