I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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