ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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