i already hear my dad disowning me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
