i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
