it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
