well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
