how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think your dad took our porno
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
