I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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