okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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