Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
