its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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