i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
