I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
