She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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