You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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