i just had sex bonerless
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize