Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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