Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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