and you said cock pushups were impossible
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
