please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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