i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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