His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
