Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
